Zero

I remember the isolation,

Crushed, claustrophobic

Pressed up against the walls

Of invitation—

Grey and plush

So as not to bruise or maim

Just embrace a body thrown

Against

This desolation

Like the routine arms of

Lovers lost in ceremony,

Never really thinking anymore

Just doing,

Lovers more like strangers and

Less like the strangers from

Their aphrodisiac youth.

Deflate...

Repossess the strength to look strong.

Reach in and

Pull out a response from your mental filing cabinet,

Memorized and automatic after so many years,

So many repetitions and retrievals,

Throw or place it in the space between

Yourself and the Other

Step back and wait,

And smile (if exposed).

I remember the aftermath,

Subtle changes and behaviours

Reproduce and coalesce

Become this monstrous thing

With a prettier face.

The phenotype’s the same

But the clockwork slows to a rusted halt.

And what is the sum of these subtractions?

Habitual answers predestined to fail

Allow this dense mutilation of the soul

These scars and historicity

And an unfulfilled desire to balance this equation.